GENDER VICISSITUDE: a letter to myself

Dear Lebo

You were and always will be a huge part of me.

In life, all I did was wonder who and what I will be.

You were there when no one else was,

Even though right now you are in my past

I will never forget you.

For to thine own self…….

You were true, you led me to a place where I was accepted.

You were loved and mostly respected.

They welcomed me with open arms

And in the midst of it all, you mislead me

you made me complacent.

I was at your mercy. In the interim you built a wall between us

Making it harder for me to get cross,

Get across to what initially was destined for me.

All I ever wanted was to be free,

Free from you and your ways

Free from society and their stares

I let you take over, take control, only then did I realise how unhappy you made me.

Did I decide to take a stand! Take back what is really mine, my life, and my identity.

All along I didn’t know who I was. I would look in the mirror and not recognise myself.

Not even recognise my own smile but I tell you….

Since I took control I feel liberated.

Like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know what and who I am.

I am proud of who I have become and no more shall I live out of people’s eyes

No more shall I let judgement get the better of me

Because honestly speaking no one will make me happier than I will

Or than I did when I accepted me. Nobody is destined for this path but me

And nobody will ever be good at living my life or will ever be best at this than me

Sincerely Yours,

Roderick Kgosi

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

25 year old, Roderick Kgosi Lechuti is the writer of this poem. His name at birth is Lebogang, meaning “be grateful”. Grew up as a homosexual, precisely a lesbian. Growing up in judgmental and stereotypical society, Lechuti came out as a transgender and shares what he remembers about his live then before now. In this poem he frankly expresses what lesbianism meant to him and how this gender transition has been a liberation more than an ignominy. He shares the struggles he had to go through to get to the point he is at now, confident than ever he has the courage to live his life without seeking approval to do so.

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